Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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