Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize