dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
