Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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