If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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