mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
