Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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