I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
