My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I didn't shave. On purpose
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
