We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
