Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
