You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
