So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize