Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
