So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
