so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
