I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
