I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
