if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize