Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
