I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found puke in my bra..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
