so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
