so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and you fell through a lawn chair
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
