i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
