WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
