Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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