I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
