If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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