she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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