Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
