Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
