needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
