very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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