if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
tell me about the eggs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize