i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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