we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
