Yo dont text me then not text me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
