It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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