I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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