I think I won the penis lottery.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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