So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
