Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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