he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
