i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
