We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
