Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
