"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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