so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
