I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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