no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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