his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
