Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
