Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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