Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
