sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize