there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
