You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
