About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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