yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
