So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
