you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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