I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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