I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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