just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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