final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
