Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
