hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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