Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
