Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
