I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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